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Sign Language: Failed

Signs are, generally speaking, useful things. Through a mixture of wisely chosen words and appropriate images they make a point about something which might be quite important to you.  However, what about those mangled language signs that make no sense at all?

Death and a Fine


As if the thought of a sudden and fairly dramatic death wasn’t enough to put you off the idea of giving those wires a quick feel they want to hammer you in the pocket as well.  This sign makes me imagine a dark suited gentleman from the Newcastle Tramway Authority turning up at some poor sod’s funeral and trying to prise a couple of hundred dollars out of the deceased’s fried hands.

The Toad Sign


I have narrowed this one down to two possibilities. Maybe this is the parking sign for a frog reserve and the sign writer was feeling incredibly witty the day he wrote it.  Otherwise, someone simply doesn’t know the difference between towed and toad.

The Secret Sign


There are some things in life which are best kept secret. We can count embarrassing rashes on our private parts, bank passwords and nuclear bunkers among those things. Sadly, putting a sign with a big arrow pointing to any of these things isn’t a great idea. I am tempted to head down to the Kelvedon Hatch Industrial Estates area and see what the secret nuclear bunker is like. Maybe it’s a bit tourist attraction down there and you can get your photo taken doing a cheery thumbs up sign with a protective suit on. You just need to keep your voice down while you are there, in case anyone notices.

The All Morning Breakfast


I have enough trouble understanding the concept of all day breakfasts without Max’s at Ramada Inn in Seattle coming along and really confusing matters for me. I suppose they thought that calling it the 6 and a half hour long breakfast didn’t have the same ring to it. They were right. I guess.

The Banana Sign


Here’s a quick bit of advice for anyone thinking of applying for a job in the fruit section of a supermarket; it might be a good idea to learn the names of a few fruits first of all. I can imagine the person who wrote this sign standing there on their first day in the supermarket looking at those curved yellow fruits and wondering what to do. Should I ask someone with more fruity experience what on Earth these things are called, or should I take a stab in the dark and hope for the best? I think I’ll go for it. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

Are there any sign language fails you've come across lately?